“It hurts to let go.But sometimes it hurts more to hold on.”
It’s not easy to decide, whether to let go or to try harder.
No matter what choice you make, you will always come up with “what if” you had chosen the other option.
I stared at Jenna from my seat. I watched as she tied her hair into a high pony tail, and bent forward, tilted her page and started writing faster.
We were in a group, luckily.
And while I was too busy staring at her, she was doing all the work.
That’s it, I was going to go talk to her. I was going to tell her I’m in love with her.
This isn’t blind love, some sort of crush that you have on a hot girl.
I truly, deeply, madly love her.
I’m going to tell her I love her. But what if she says no? What if she doesn’t feel that way for me?
Dammit, I never thought of her rejecting me. In all the fantasies that I dream it up of her, she always said yes. Girly, right?
I handed over my paper to the teacher and left as the bell rang.
I saw my friend standing in a corner, and we all walked towards our bus.
“I’d go straight up to her and tell her that I like her,” he said, cockily.
“And what if she doesn’t feel that way?” I asked him.
“Why wouldn’t she? Girls love me, okay?” he said, coolly.
I rolled my eyes at this, “What if it’s me?” I ask him.
“Girls love you, too, bro,” he said, winking at me.
I needed to get a new friend.
I went home that day after having ice cream with Aiden. I relaxed on the couch, and had dinner with my parents.
Then I went upstairs and decided to contact Jenna. I was going to send her a friend request, but then I thought ‘Why would she accept my friend request?’
So I made a fake account, and I sent her a friend request.
I started preparing for my next exam, all the while glancing at my phone screen to see if she accepted it or not.
After about two hours she accepted.
‘Do I know you?’ her message came.
‘Yes,’ I replied, with a smiley emoticon
‘From school?’ she asked.
‘Yep,’ I wrote with another emoticon.
‘What’s up with the emojis?’ she asked.
‘It’s my style’ I replied and added another emoticon.
‘I have a friend who likes you,’ I wrote.
‘And?’ she asked.
‘I’m just forwarding his message.’ I said.
‘Jake?’ she wrote.
‘You like Jake?’ I asked.
‘Yes.’ she replied.
‘What if I am Jake?’ I wrote, with a winking emoticon.
‘Well, you were going to find out sooner or later. Are you Jake?’ she asked.
‘I could screenshot this and post this in the entire school Jenna,’ I wrote.
‘Go ahead, do it. I’m not afraid to admit to my feelings,’ she replied.
And then I blocked her, and I deleted my account.
I sat back down and started to focus on my exam, but I just couldn’t.
She likes Jake, of course she likes Jake.
She’s the shy type of girl, and she would like the shy type of guy.
I’m not popular, but I’m not exactly shy either.
Well then, it was worth a try.
I gave the rest of my exams, and then luckily our parents decided to move towns. My dad got another better offer at a job, so we moved.
And it was for the best. It was so much easier this way. The pain, the memories lingered, but it was easy to ignore it because I busied myself in other activities.
I talked to Aiden every other day, and I couldn’t help but feel nostalgic.
But, everything went on, and new school, new friends, new life just continued.