“A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers.”
Is forgiving someone easy?
Is it worth it?
Is everyone who makes a mistake worth forgiving?
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMS TO BE GOING WRONG
“Goodnight,” Alex said and lay on the couch.
“You can sleep on the bed you know,” I said.
“No, I’m good,” he muttered.
I got off, and spread a sheet on the floor. I grabbed my pillows and lay on the ground, my back facing him and tried to go to sleep.
Minutes later I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Hey,” Alex whispered, “Come on, come up.”
I let him lead me up to the bed. He slept on the bed too, but I noticed how far he slept. I scotched closer to him and he turned around. I turned around, trying hard to control my loud sobs, and somewhere along the way I fell asleep.
I woke up to find Alex gone. I called him and asked him where he went.
“Hi,” he said hurriedly, “I had an early meeting. I’m going to come home late. I’ll grab something to eat so it’s okay.”
And he ended the call. I lay back in bed, and went to sleep again because there was nothing more to do.
When I woke up again, I ate something, and then cleaned up the entire house. I ironed all of Alex’s clothes. I don’t know why I did what I did, I just wanted him to be loving and caring again.
By the time he came home, I was exhausted.
“Hi,” I greeted.
“Hey,” he said plainly, “Why do you look so tired?”
I shrugged. “I’m the one who was at work today all day, why do YOU look so tired?” he asked.
I don’t know if he meant that as a joke. I definitely didn’t take it as a joke.
“Yea,” I deadpanned, “You know, watching television all day just sort of exhausted me. What am I talking about? You should be tired, not me! You ironed all the clothes right? And vacuumed the whole house? And dusted it? And washed the dishes?”
“Since when do you do house chores?” he asked raising his eyebrows.
“I’ve never been a big fan of them,” I said, my voice rising, “But I also never neglected them!”
He nodded and went upstairs. I calmed myself down, and ate some macaroni. I went upstairs to find him asleep.
I went to sleep and set the alarm to wake up early. I wanted to surprise Alex.
I woke up the next morning, and went straight to the kitchen. I made his favorite pancakes with chocolate syrup along with Oreo milkshake and Oreo cookies.
When he came downstairs I was just setting the table up.
“Hi,” I breathed out, “just in time.”
He scratched his head and sighed, “Er, Arabella. I promised Matt I’d have breakfast with him.”
“Oh, okay,” I said, trying not to cry.
I went up and hugged him. “Why are you acting like this Alex?” I whispered.
“Because you’re the worst wife someone could possibly wish for,” he said.
I waited for him to apologize, say something. But he didn’t take back his words. Instead he walked out the door.
I fell back on the chair, and sobbed. All of this happened since that fight. I can’t believe I did all of this for him. I devoured the pancakes, and drank the milkshake.
I decided to take the rest to Isabelle, the girl who lived about three houses away.
I knocked on the door and Isabelle yelled a come in.
THINGS COULDN’T GET WORSE
I let myself inside and placed the box of food on her table. I turned around and saw Alex and Isabelle snuggled up watching a movie.
“Alex?” I whispered. He turned around.
“Arabella,” he said, shocked, “What are you doing here?”
“Giving away leftover food since you had to go for breakfast with Matt. Breakfast looks really good, and so does
Matt,” I screamed and barged out.
I waited for him to come after me, waited for him to give me an explanation to what happened inside, but he never did.
I ran back home, and locked myself in the guest bedroom. I ate sleeping pills, and that’s the last thing I remember before falling into darkness.
I woke up to find Isabelle and Alex sitting on the side of the bed. I sat up, but felt dizzy so I fell back down again.
“I’ll get some water,” Isabelle muttered and left the room.
She came back with a glass of water which I threw across the floor. Who does she think she is?
She left the room, and Alex glared at me.
“I’m your wife,” I justified.
“And so is she!” he said through his teeth.
“What?” I said, shocked, “No, no no please tell me this isn’t true!”
“You brought this on yourself,” he whispered.
“Leave me! Leave me, just go. File a divorce. I don’t want to see your face again. Ever!” I yelled.
“I already have sweetheart. Just a little bit of paperwork left. You’ll be getting it soon,” he told me.
I curled up and sobbed and Alex stayed by my side. He didn’t comfort me, but he stayed there.
“Can we at least talk about this?” I asked when I felt slightly better.
He sighed and nodded.
“Why?” I whispered.
“You, don’t understand things,” he said, “don’t you even try to interrupt me Arabella. If I had a choice then I would spend the whole day with you but you know I can’t leave my job! I’m working for you, so that you can live the best possible life. And then you start complaining, which just added to my stress. When all I needed was your comfort, your appreciation for the long hours I worked, I got your arguments. Isabelle, she was always there and told me everything I needed to hear.”
“I don’t want to live in a big house, or go to fancy restaurants,” I cried, “I love you and not your money and I told you that the day we got married Alex! I needed your time. I left my family, went against them, left town for you! And you spend all day working, and then come home and go to sleep. How do you think that made me feel Alex? Huh? I never wanted to pick on you! What’s the point of giving me all these luxuries if you cant even enjoy them with me?”
He sighed. “I want to give you the best,” he whispered.
“You are the best, Alex. And you are all I need.” I said as softly as I could.
He reached over to hug me, and I gladly accepted.
Isabelle came barging in, and looked at us with wide eyes.
“Are you divorcing her?” she asked.
“Bitch this ain’t your business,” I said.
“This!” Alex screamed, “This is what I hate about you Arabella. This I will not tolerate!”
“My intentions were completely clear and clean Alex! I had a different opinion and you had a different. But I didn’t go to some other guy and rant out my problems to him!” I yelled, “I also didn’t marry him when I found out that he was better than my first husband. Instead I sat here and tried to make things better with you, while YOU gave up!”
“I did not give up,” he said softly.
“Yes you did. You married someone else. If that’s not giving up then I don’t know what is.” I screamed and got up from bed, ignoring the dizziness.
I couldn’t get far because I fainted, once again.
ACT AFTER THINKING WITH A CALM MIND
I woke up and no one was home.
I couldn’t believe he just left me like that!
He had keys and he let himself in.
“Arabella,” he said softly, “Doctor Kashina is here to see what’s wrong. You fainted twice.”
“No,” I snapped. “I don’t need your help thank you very much. I had sleeping pills, so I slept. And then I fainted after that because I didn’t have anything to eat. I’ll eat and rest and I’ll be fine now. You can get lost now Alex thank you for your concern. If you really had cared, this would have never even happened.”
I went to the kitchen and made myself a sandwich.
“I want to make sure you are okay,” he said.
“Well you lost that right when you decided to marry someone else. Go make sure if she’s okay I’m sure you’re gonna have a lot of explaining to do.” I said, my voice rising.
The doctor came forward and started to talk but I stopped him before he could come any closer to me.
“Don’t even come near me,” I hissed. “I’m fine. And even if I’m not, that’s none of your business.”
I grabbed my sandwich and ran upstairs and started eating. I turned on the TV and watched some random movie when I heard a knock on the door.
EVERYTHING THAT’S BROKEN CAN BE FIXED
Alex let himself inside slowly.
“Hi,” he greeted.
I ignored him.
“Remember when we got married? We vowed that we would deal with every problem together. We promised that we would talk about whatever problems we had and never involve other people. Talk to me, Arabella. Tell me what’s wrong,” he said sincerely.
“I remember,” I muttered, “But you went and talked to other people. And involved them. And married them. You tell me where we went wrong Alex. Shouldn’t you happy right now? That I’m done with you, and you can divorce me and live happily ever after with Isabelle?”
“That’s what,” he sighed, “I came back because I still love you and I still care about you.”
“Bullshit,” I snapped. “If you really did you would have never gone to her in the first place!”
“That was a mistake,” he said, “Really it was. You have a different thinking than mine, and Isabelle told me exactly what I wanted to hear. So I turned to her. And then when things got out of hands with you, I married her. And she was everything a wife should be. But I don’t love her the way I love you. And I’m willing to live with you in whatever way you want me to.”
“Took you quite long to realize that, huh?” I said sarcastically.
“Don’t,” he said, “please don’t shut me out. I never knew how amazing you were. All I needed was a little push, and not I know. I know your worth and I get what you meant. We were both right in our own way. I wanted to earn money to spend on you and you only wanted my time. There was a misunderstanding. I don’t love Isabelle the way I love you Arabella. She’s just a really caring and kind person.”
“Congratulations,” I snapped, “You’ve ruined both my life and Isabelle’s.”
I stormed out the room and went to the living room. I had nowhere to go. I left my family, everyone for him. I had no one to go to now. I depended on him completely.
I went back to the room and found Alex crying. My heart melted and I wanted to reach out to him and tell him its okay. I don’t want to see him hurt like this. But he hurt me too much.
“You left me,” I said, “I have no one else. I depended on you entirely. The only people I ever see are you, your friend Matt, and my neighbor Isabelle. And now I won’t even be seeing her. I left family, friends, for you. I left town for you. You have so many people here, your friends and uncles. But I’m all alone now. I thought that when I had you, I wouldn’t want anybody else. And I never knew I could be this wrong. You left me. No words can describe how bad I feel right now.” And I sobbed.
He came over to me and wiped my tears, and I wiped his. We both laughed a shaky laugh, and he hugged me. I resisted at first, but then I gave in. I gave in to his strong yet comforting arms. There was nowhere I wanted to be then right here, right now.
I moved back. “Do you still love me?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied in a heartbeat.
“Do you love Isabelle?” I asked, dreading the answer.
“Not the way I love you. Just as a friend, nothing more.” He said.
“Take me home,” I said.
He looked at me.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I want to go home. I want to live there. Can’t we move there? I’m sure you’ll find a job there,” I explained.
“Sure,” he said.
“You’re okay with that?” I asked.
“I’ll do anything to make you feel better and regain your trust.” He said softly, “And I received your divorce papers. I handed them to Isabelle.”
“Good riddance,” I said, and he gave me a friendly glare.
I laughed, “What?” I asked, “I cannot share you. Ever. You’re mine, not hers.”
“Yes I am,” he said smiling, “And don’t worry. She’ll fill them out and in one or two days she’s out of my life for good.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“It’s not okay,” I said, tears in my eyes, “You shattered my heart, stomped on it, and broke it. But you’re the only one who can fix it.”
“And I will,” he said, wiping my tears.
I want to give our marriage another chance. I love Alex. And I can’t let him go. Because I know he loves me too. We’ve made mistakes, and it’s going to be hard to forgive each other for the things we have done. But we can move on, and forget our problems and misunderstandings, and instead, live happily and avoid making the same mistakes over again.
“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love. But in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain, and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.”