STORY OF MY LIFE!
“Every moment leading up to the one in which you meet your future husband or wife somehow shapes you and prepares you for that person you were fated for.”
Any previous heartbreaks or dark days or lonely nights can be crucially important in the grand scheme of things. Sometimes we need to know what something feels like when it’s wrong before we can ever really know it when another thing is RIGHT.
I was fine, and I was living my life just fine. Actually, my life was pretty good.
But everyone needs someone to talk to, right? Well, for me, there was no one I could talk to; no one to share my secrets and feelings with.
And when I fell in love with someone, when I finally had the strongest feelings in the world for a special someone, she said she doesn’t feel anything for me. She even said that she doesn’t want to see me ever again.
That. That was the day my heart literally shattered into a million pieces. My heart was in pain, it was crying in agony for her. I died that day. That was the last day for me.
But I pulled myself together, just to put on a show. I was a man, and I had to be brave. She killed me like that; she sucked my living soul and turned it miserable. But my heart knew that one day; she will love more than I’ve ever loved her. And one day, she will be mine. ONE DAY!
THE MEET AND GREET
Do you want to know how it all happened? Of course you do!
I was 17 when I had my first and last love. She seems to be my cousin, my first cousin to be specific.
There was a wedding at our house, and she came all the way from another country to attend it.
We don’t even talk much.
There is quite an age difference between us, and when she came, I didn’t even bother to greet her.
My external family lives in Australia, and they all had to come over to attend a wedding. But Sophie, she came a month earlier with her friends, to help prepare for the wedding!
We first officially met in the kitchen, when I was making fries for myself.
She said a few words, smiled that lovely smile of hers, and left.
God knows what happened but I just wanted to watch her smile. I loved the way her lips moved when she spoke, and her bangs coming in front of her eyes.
I wasn’t even paying attention to what she was saying. I was too busy listening to her beautiful voice. I don’t know what happened to me.
After that I offered her my fries and we talked a bit in her room. She told me about her life in Australia.
Somehow we ended up talking like normal cousins do, like we’ve known each other our whole lives.
But that wasn’t so, this girl who I was talking normally with was the same girl I hadn’t spoken to since I was born.
I stopped myself before I could get further attracted to her. I couldn’t think of her like that. There was a gap of 3 years between us! And I’ve always thought of her as a sister, but her beauty, her personality, the way she talked; it drove me crazy.
So, there were 10 days left for the wedding and everyone arrived. Now I have to introduce everybody as they play a huge role in my relationship with Sophie.
1 – Emma and Luke (aunt and uncle) their daughter-Emily
2 – Mia and David (aunt and uncle) their daughter- Sophie, elder son- Carter, younger sons – Alexander and Michael
3 – Letty and Dom (aunt and uncle)-their son Jackson
4 – Isabella and Logan (aunt and uncle)-their daughter Olivia, son- Ethan
This might be a bit confusing, but they are my family and family is life.
Chapter – 2
They all arrived and that was one of the best days of my life, since we were all together after such a long time. All the kids (all of my uncles and aunt’s daughters and sons) were having fun in my room and everyone was happy.
There was no one to tell us to go to bed early, or to scold us for all the mess we were causing.
We talked and we played. Although it was a little awkward at first, everyone felt comfortable after a little while.
We played hide and seek, we fought with pillows.
And then when we all got tired, we sat down to talk.
We were all sitting in a circle, and everyone had to tell a story. Ghost stories, fairy tales and all other kinds of stories were being passed on. When it was my turn though, I told a story about a boy and a girl who loved each other, and we all know what happens next.
Throughout the story, she would glance at me and smile and shake her head as if to say “no”.When she smiled, that is when I lost control over my heart and brain, both! After that I fell asleep, dreaming in a world where she loved me.
An incident happened in my life. It was 11th april almost 11:21pm. And I remember that my heart stopped for a while and pronounced her name secretly.. A voice came from inside..
And I jus realized that I was really in love..
The next day I woke up and I saw her beautiful, adorable and sweet face and I was blushing..
I wonder what happened
All I know is that, it was something very special that just mesmerized me..
I jus thought for a second that I would be the luckiest person in the world if she feels for me what i feel for her, if she thinks what i think and if she say yes to me!
Chapter – 3
LIFE FULL OF CONFUSIONS, TRICKS
There was something that left me really confused. She smiled at me, a lot.
But it seemed like she was telling herself to stay away from me. It looked as if she didn’t want to start any romantic relationship with me.
We started talking, and I argued with her over things that cousins don’t argue about, but couples do.
I stayed home whenever she did, just to get the chance to be with her, to watch her.
I was crazy for her. If she left me even for a minute, I felt like I was dying. I didn’t know if I loved her or if I would die for her.
I don’t know what happened to me whenever she wasn’t near me.
I used to look her in the eye, look her directly at her face. It was so weird that I was staring at her 24/7. I remember very well.
On 14th of April we planned on going out together, since they had to go back to Australia two days after the wedding.
This was my time, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. It was awkward, but yes, I admitted that all of this was happening to me.
Emily observed me when I started talking to Sophie, since it was so obvious because I kept staring at Sophie all the time.
We were all walking after dinner, and I decided to express my feelings for her.
But all I could think was,
“What if she rejects me?”
“What if she slapped me?”
“What if she doesn’t even think like that?”
If any of these happened, I’d feel too embarrassed to ever show my face again.
So I continued staring at her.
Chapter – 4
FALLING DEEPER AND DEEPER IN LOVE
It was finally the first day of the wedding, and I was so happy as she looked gorgeous. I was dying for her, dying to have her look at me, just once. I wanted her to love me.
I loved her more than I loved anything and anyone in my life.
We all enjoyed quite a lot, and I thought, “Why don’t we take selfies?” And then we took selfies, with other people. A weird feeling arose inside me after looking at the way we took selfies. I felt like she feels it, too.
For the first time in my goddamn life, I didn’t even LOOK at another girl.
Something just happened to me after that day. When we all got back home from the wedding, she was so happy and so was I. I felt like she was happy after our selfie session.
She shared feelings, why she’s sad and what she’s going to do next with Emily, since they were more than just cousins.
So I directly asked Emily if Sophie felt anything for me, and I asked her if Sophie mentioned anything about the selfie night.
Emily said Sophie said no such thing, and asked me why I was asking her these type of questions.
I completely stopped talking about this topic. I couldn’t talk to anyone about her!
We had a rest day in between the wedding, and we were all sitting, talking. Emily asked me if I liked Sophie. I pretended to be shocked and said stuff like, “No way, look at Sophie, she’s like this and like that”
But Emily figured it out, and she mad me say it out loud. And the truth was, I DID like her.
Heck, I loved her.
But Emily made things so awkward. She threatened to shout it out loud if I didn’t admit my feelings for Sophie.
And I went all like, “Yes, MOM! I love her and I’m crazy about her and I’ve been thinking about her since last week.” And that dumb Emily, she started saying stuff like, “WOW, WOW! This has been going on huh? I’m going to ask Sophie if she likes you or not!”
And I was just like why on Earth is Emily shouting? She was causing a scene, and everyone was giving her weird looks.
Sophie heard our conversation, and I was sure she thought we were talking about some other girl. I couldn’t explain to Sophie that it was only her that I liked, and only her that I wanted to be with.
Chapter – 5
When everyone left, I had the chance to talk to Emily alone. I asked her to ask Sophie in the most discreet way possible whether she likes me or not.
Surprisingly, Emily told me Sophie DOES like me. I was so damn happy that she felt what I felt. I could now go and tell her everything! I dreamt that I told her how I felt, and she shyly said yes.
But that was just a dream. No worries, though, I was going to make it happen in reality.
The next two days weren’t as fun as the first one, but the last day I felt that Emily was right. Sophie had feelings for me but she wasn’t serious about it and she wasn’t looking for someone to be in a relationship with.
She was single, and happy.
So there were 50% chances of her saying yes, and 50% chances of her saying no. That’s what I felt.
But I wanted there to be a chance of 80% at least to avoid future embarrassments and awkwardness.
The wedding finished at last, and we went out for dinner. She saw me and she shook her head again the way she did when I was telling her the story, and she looked away.
This was not a good sign. I was smart enough to know that.
It seemed like she didn’t want to think of me like that, so once again I stopped myself from expressing my true feelings.
There were only four days left until they went back to Australia.
Just four days.
To tell her how pretty she is.
To tell her how beautiful she is.
To tell her how adorable she is.
To tell her how cute she is.
And to tell her so much more.
I told myself that this is the last chance. I didn’t even care what she or people would say anymore.
Chapter – 6
WHEN HOPE COMES CRUSHING DOWN
However, she was my cousin’s sister. She was Carter’s sister, and me and Carter were very close. So,
I thought I needed his approval before I could date his sister! I thought he’d get overprotective, and that he’d
never approve, but when I broke the news to him he was happy and told me that it’s my life and that I have the right to live it.
He told me that she is his sister, but you don’t choose who you love right?
I was stunned.
There were only three days left now. I went to her, but she was out with her family for shopping. They came home quite late and tired, so I just postponed it to the next day.
I told myself she was tired and I shouldn’t stress her out, so I didn’t tell her that day.
I went to her again the next day, but she was gone again. Only two more days were left. I felt like the universe was conspiring against us. But I loved her, and I just couldn’t let her go like this!
I went out with my friends. I don’t know why, but I was really hurt.
She hurt me.
She hurt me by not talking to me for two days. I cried all day, I didn’t know what was happening to me.
I was crying for her, and all my energy, my power just left. I felt weak, and my eyes were red and puffy.
I tried again and again to tell her, but everyone was busy packing up and so was she, and I also didn’t have the power to tell her.
Before this I had willpower to express my feelings. She just flew away from where she came. But, I still love her more than myself. Every time I’m alone or bored her face just pops up in front of me. Those moments which I had with her, start appearing in my brain and they drive away all my tensions and difficulties. For some time. And in that moment, I’m jus away from this fake world. I know it would be easy for her to leave me like this. As obviously she didn’t know how much I love her, how much I cried for her, That day!!!! But who cares about these stupid feelings. I’ll never forget how I felt that day. And I… How I am living without her!!
Only my heart knows, “One day she will be mine and she’ll love me more than I love her”
“Standing There Shadows In The Hall
Hoping There It Might Be You
But It Wasn’t Anyone At All
I Can Still Remember The Way Things Were
If I Could Only Bring You Back
Then It Wouldn’t Even Say You Were
I Can Love You More Than Anybody Else I Mean It
I Can Love You More Than Anybody Else I really Mean It!!”
I have learned to listen to my heart. I have learned that if you never make room for better things and better ways to be, if you never clear out the things in your life that stand in the way of your happiness, then you are not aligning your universe to allow for amazing things. In this life, you don’t find yourself. You create yourself. And the same goes for love: you don’t find love, you create a road for love to travel and wait for it to come.